On Faith & Love
“I know why
familiesrelationships were created, with all their imperfections. They humanize you. They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed.”
— Anaïs Nin
Relationships. Scary.
How many books, movies, doctors and drugs does one need to manage and understand them?
Relating to others is a tricky thing. It’s difficult to find the intricate balance between the ida and pingala, the yin and the yang, the feminine and masculine – in layman’s terms, the male and female. We all have our friends, lovers, and some of us have enemies or frenemies.
It seems sort of obvious but in order to relate to others, shouldn’t we first learn to love and relate to ourselves? It is more than just developing ourselves though, its also about how we develop with and through others.
When things are frustrating, aren’t working, or emotions are downright cynical, the thought of isolation and being alone (for the rest of my earth-wandering days) sounds appealing. In the past, my relationship history has been a serious source of malnutrition for my soul. I’ve been hurt multiple times and at times, I’m still hurting others. It’s hard to not act selfishly because we naturally want what we deem to be best for ourselves. While I’ve managed to work through a lot of my insecurities with platonic relationships, its the intimate ones with my masculine counterpart that have brought much discontent. One of the hardest things for me has been learning to accept that when things don’t work out it isn’t necessarily a reflection of me. More often than not, the reason is often just bad timing and/or that it just wasn’t meant to be.
Once you get past the honeymoon phase, however, I think part of relating is learning the irks and quirks of another person. It’s also facing if that some thing or someone is a person you can deal with through the good and the bad. Finding someone who will challenge your ego, hold you accountable, and yet still provide a loving space to grow is not easy. Basically, its good to ask if this is a person who can, or wants to, expand alongside you.
Mysore this year has been an incredible experience. I’ve been able to cultivate many friendships first created in 2009 and I’ve also been able to develop some other amazing ones I believe will be lasting. The most amazing aspect of this trip has been that I also had the time to develop a very special, nourishing, and if given the time, may result in a quite beautiful relationship. This territory (not referring necessarily to my upcoming trip to northern Europe) is very foreign and a lot of my own questions insecurities have surfaced. I will be returning to South Korea, which means if things are able to transfer into the real world, a long distance relationship could ensue. I think one of the biggest hurdles in regards to any relationship, more specifically, one where the person isn’t actively in your world, is keeping things ignited. Some say, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I’ve also heard, out of sight, out of mind. I lost touch with many of my closest friends this past year, but when we talk, it’s like no time has passed. However, I don’t know if the same can be said for an intimate relationship. How do people maintain the romance when you don’t see the person on a regular basis? How do people survive the time and distance?
Regardless of what apprehensions and skepticism may arise of how a relationship can be sustained over a long-distance, I’m attempting to be grateful. I know somewhere deep down, things will turn out for the best and the way they are meant. At the very least, our relationships with others can be a viable vehicle to learning about ourselves. I believe the more we share with someone, the deeper we can dive into exposing our souls and finding light. I hope that my gratitude and faith can keep me afloat during the times that I feel myself sinking. I hope my faith will keep me believing in “us,” or better yet, in me.
Love is always there ♥
