Heavy air, bugs, bulging veins and I am perspiring just walking around my apartment. It’s 27 C (81 F) right now and this apparently “isn’t that bad.”

My students say, “The worst months are August and September.”

I can’t imagine it getting any hotter or more humid. 

In my free time, outside of work friends, my only real social time is at the yoga shala and then with my cat.  Though, does social time with your cat really even count?  I’m trying to take this year out to really focus on work and my growth with the practice, but I don’t know if you can take just a year out, I’m thinking it probably just happens over time. I’m carefully reading through Yoga Mala again, and paused particularly at the beginning portion about what aspirants should be mindful and the rules to pursue.

Utsahatsahasadhaivyattattvajnansh cha nischayat

Janasanghaparityagat shadbiryogah prasiddhyate.

By means of enthusiasm, boldness, firmness , discrimination of truth, conviction and the avoidance of public gatherings, by these six things, is yoga accomplished.

-Hatha Yoga Pradipika i:16

I’m finding myself guarding against a lot of things that typically would disrupt my equilibrium.  For example, I’m avoiding anything involving alcohol and socializing, not because I resent it, but just because I’d rather sit at home.  Of course, I’m trying really hard to read yoga books, study spanish (because it’s incredibly useful in Korea), and sit still, but (there’s that contrast transition word again) I’m finding it so much easier to watch movies and eat.  

I have a dear girlfriend here and she kind of gives me a hard time for not going out with her.  I think it’s mostly because if you enjoy someone’s company, you want them to be with you when you go places, the whole creating memories thing.  Anyway, she wonders where all the men are and why she is having such a hard time finding one.  I could hear my ego talking, Pssh, you’re far more self-reliant, look at you, all alone, doing your thi- but I quickly doused my overconfident self when I stepped back for a moment.  Wait a second, it wasn’t too long ago when male attention was the foundation for a large portion of my sense of self worth.  I’m not against dating, it’s just really nice to be in a space where I’m not bitter or missing someone in that way.  I’m not wanting, needing, or seeking that type of attention from anyone.  Mostly because, a) pickings are pretty darn slim here and b) with the exception of the last man, dating, men and talking about my feelings have always resulted in more anxiety than it was ever worth.  It’s nice being in a place where I don’t feel the need to care so much about my image.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not entirely letting myself go, but I’m really wanting that solid groundwork for my practice within and I’m really just wanting to get comfortable with the way life is without forcing things.

And yes, I won’t deny how absolutely fabulous it would be, if in this year of more self-discovery my asana practice somehow started to soar…but I know, those things can’t be planned, they just sort of happen.