Flexibility II
I think I’ve always gotten so attached to “things” because I felt like I needed them…I need money, I need a job, I need friends. It’s like my life won’t be complete until I have this, these, them. I was talking with my girlfriend the other day and she said, “Now that C is back to work again, I don’t have to stress about this job. I mean, I don’t need this job, it’s freeing. Once we get back on our feet again, I can actually think about staying home and taking care of the kids.”
I thought this over a bit. Sure, I don’t have anyone paying my way right now (minus work of course), it’s all me. My attachments seem so obvious, especially with the thinking of what the hell would I do without x? Last year sucked (and there’s no better word) balls.
The ability to grasp the impermanence of things is scary.
Money and insecurities…not that this year isn’t surrounded by a need for money and security, something has dissipated it all though. My boss told me last week, “It seems that you have tried so hard to be liked and you don’t need to try, people naturally like you.” While it may seem insane that I’m working two jobs, it’s not bad at all. I don’t sit and stare at the minutes of each day and I’m not longing for the past. I don’t miss anyone and I’m not interested in anyone romantically and that’s a lot more than I can say in gossssh oh 8 years?
Lately, I can actually focus on calling all those people I said I would call, and being that daughter that misses her parents. I love the restaurant job and ZENsei has its ups and downs, but I think they both suit me perfectly right now. I’m finding such sheer enjoyment in everything, it’s kind of gross.
I realized last week that I don’t “need” either job. I mean, sure the I’ll always need money (A LOT), but it’s always been once A happens, then B. It shouldn’t be about that, I can make B happen.
That being said, I’ve decided, I’m going to India. No, not just saying it outloud as in “someday when I’m ready,” I’m saying it as I’m intending on going in fall.
That’s right folks, fall, in 9 months.
do what jason says, buy your ticket now. then it will all be easier
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks ago“It seems that you have tried so hard to be liked and you don’t need to try, people naturally like you.”
Same thing with proving your worth. You’re naturally worth plenty. But just like the rest of the perfectionists you know through yoga, you have to convince yourself of your value.
And there’ll be more ballsucking years now and then in the future so enjoy the stupidly joyous times while you have them.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoHahahaha
Great stuff. You practicing at the shala on Fri?
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoYes. And I’m still trying to decide if I should buy the unlimited classes card. I think it’d save me $5 over the ten days if I practice every day. But the idea that I’ll practice every day seems silly in light of the fact that my travelling companions like to drink. Are the pranayama classes worthwhile?
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoIf you haven’t done pranayam before, you might get overwhelmed. Rumor is Tim has the lungs of a whale…if you want to do it, Thursday is prob the best day to do it. Tim does a shortened version of pranayam and then they do a small kirtan bit.
Looks like I’ll only get to practice Fri and Sun with you guys…I’m gone from Feb 11-15
Yaaa, are you really going to practice everyday? Are you practicing on Sat? The 9 am class is apparently very popular with women. I don’t really care for the class it’s a bit too anusara for me.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoyeah Tiff! I got my ticket, I’ll be there 9/27 to 10/30, so happy to hear you are coming! Hopefully see you tomorrow in Mysore.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoShayna, what is your email??? I’m trying to locate it. I won’t be at mysore tomorrow, I go at 7 and leave by 8:30 b/c of work
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoAre you saying I’d have to hold my breath as long as Tim does? Can I sneak a quiet breath now and then or can he hear cheaters? I see only the Saturday pranayama classes with Sequoia. Tim doesn’t seem to be listed for any Thursday classes.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoOhhh Tim offers a full hardcore hour of pranayama M-F at 6 am before 7 am class. I generally start mysore early so there’s a small group breathing during that time. Tim leads it, but there’s no talking. Sequioa will lead through a shortened version.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoOh and sequoia will talk through too so that helps. OF course, I’ve only attempted her class once…
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoWhere’s a good place in town to buy decent mats?
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoAt the yoga shala…we sell rugs and mats there
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoYou’re working Thurs night at the restaurant right? I think we’re coming for dinner there. Me, Anne & Laprox, hopefully BFE. You too, Carl!!
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoNo I’m not working Thurs night.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoLinda, if Tiff is coming for dinner too then it can’t be at the restaurant where she works. It’s cruel and unusual punishment to make someone return to their workplace during their leisure hours.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoCruel and unusual punishment is forbidden by the Eighth Amendment, by the way.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoHahaha THANK YOU CARL!
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoAh no I thought she was working and it was Laprox’s idea!
I’m going to be tired & more focused on practice than anything else Thurs night. But che sara sara. I’ve been stressing over details & realize I can’t keep doing that cause I’m freaking my neurotic self out.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoNO! I told him I wasn’t working. It’s also super distracting to bring in people that I really want to hang out with and can’t because I’m at work. Anyway, Pacifica’s kind of pricey esp if we’re doing a big group, thurs is half price off bottles of wine, but entrees are between $25-48.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agounless you know somebody who works there. wink wink
you work at C pacifica, in DM plaza? i thought you worked at that place in flower hill. oh well, i’m somewhat less than clued in so no surprise i had it wrong.
if you’re looking in that range, there’s Delicias. thursday nights used to be cheesburger nights there (massive hedonistic things, requiring at least a glass or two of wine to get thru). haven’t been i nquite a while but it used to be good. you’re in the biz, you can probably guide them better than i. i’d just end up taking them to roberto’s or that hawaiian place in encinitas
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoHahah I can’t even get a bunch of people hooked up, just like one person. Yes, I work at Pacifica Del Mar. No, Paradise Grille sucked. I worked there for two weeks last April.
You’re so clued in now!
Hahah Delicias…are you kidding me? If we’re going to Delicias, might as well try Blanca, oh wait, why not Pamplemousse?
Hmmm…yummy. You know what’s always great is sushi, but if we’re talking like something nice maybe somewhere in the Plaza or Poseidon or something. I’m talking to myself.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agocause delicias is 3 blocks from my house. have the big meal, then cruise on by, coffee and dessert on us. we can all hang out and play guitar hero. or something. they’ll probably want to sleep tho. east coast time. east coast stressors. the palm trees won’t have taken effect yet.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks agoFunny. Any time I visited my dad when he lived in CA he took me to Fuddruckers.That or the restaurant at Fisherman’s Landing. He thinks that’s pretty special.
Posted 6 months, 2 weeks ago